How to go on a hero's journey with vision, discipline, and autonomy
using a self-authored guide to shape a transformation
At points in your life and career journey, you will arrive at a destination feeling the need to re-create yourself and pursue something that is calling. The catalyst may emanate from within or external forces outside your control. You may have an initial vision, but it’s unclear what it is, let alone how to get there. The voices in your mind and the energy in your heart create this curiosity to explore the unknown. It’s both exciting and scary at the same time. You have been at this crossroads before but did not accept the quest primarily due to fear and the autopilot programs in your mind. This time is different - you have no choice but to go on a hero’s journey.
The hero’s journey is a myth that American scholar Joseph Campbell popularized in his 1949 work, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces.” Here's a breakdown of the typical stages of the hero's journey:
The Ordinary World: This is the hero's normal life at the start of the story, before the adventure begins.
The Call to Adventure: The initiating incident of the story. Something disrupts the comfort of the hero's ordinary world and presents a challenge or quest that must be undertaken.
Refusal of the Call: Although the hero might be eager to accept the quest, they will have fears that need overcoming at this stage. Second thoughts or even deep personal doubts about whether they are up to the challenge.
Meeting with the Mentor: At this crucial turning point where the hero desperately needs guidance, they meet a mentor figure who gives them something they need, whether it's wisdom, confidence, an important item, or training.
Crossing the Threshold: This is the point where the person actually crosses into the field of adventure, leaving the known limits of their world and venturing into an unknown and dangerous realm where the rules and limits are unknown.
Tests, Allies, and Enemies: Once across the threshold, the hero encounters new challenges and tests, makes allies and enemies, and must learn the rules of this new world.
Approach: Setbacks occur, sometimes causing the hero to try a new approach or adopt new ideas.
The Ordeal: This is the critical moment in the hero's journey in which there is a major hurdle or obstacle to overcome, often a life or death crisis.
The Reward: After surviving the ordeal, the hero seizes the sword or the "elixir" — a reward they've earned that often results in important self-discovery or a new skill.
The Road Back: The hero must return to the ordinary world, but the journey is not yet over. They may still need to escape with the elixir in hand, chased by the remnants of the antagonistic forces.
Resurrection: A final test where the hero must prove they have learned their lesson, often facing certain death and most intense encounter with death. The hero emerges from this a changed person.
Return with the Elixir: The hero returns to the ordinary world, but their journey transforms them and the world they left. They have grown as a person, learned many things, faced many terrible dangers and even death but now look forward to starting a new life. Their return may bring fresh hope to those they left behind, a direct solution to their problems, or a new perspective for everyone to consider.
I started a hero’s journey in December 2022 when the CIO role at my company was eliminated. It was the catalyst for professional change and healing and cleansing of my inner world that was overdue. I knew I still had inner work to do from physiological scars left from a narcissistic marriage and other challenging events. My perspective was this was an opportunity and window to transform yet again. I am at stage 8 in the hero’s journey, although I have learned much about myself and gained new skills referenced in stage 9.
In the sections below, I will share what I have learned about setting out on a hero’s journey and a framework for venturing into the unknown. You will be taking this journey mostly alone, and therefore you will need to look within for answers and to sustain the will to see the journey through.
You must first craft a vision for your journey - the values, beliefs, purpose, and goals to set your direction. Second, given that the journey is a long, hard road, you will need the discipline of mind, body, and soul to see it through. Third, you will need autonomy and freedom to venture into new territory. You must lighten the load by leaving things behind and developing parts of your psyche and new skills.
Although success is not guaranteed at the end of the journey, these three strategies will create the best version of yourself and give you the best shot at returning with the elixir. The mystery of the route and what you will find along the way make the journey all that more interesting.
Creating a document at the beginning of the journey and refining it throughout has helped guide its direction and supercharge self-belief. You would unlikely go out on a challenging journey into the wilderness without a map and tools to keep you safe and get to your destination. Think of this document as the same concept except for your career and life.
1. Vision
Creating a vision for your career and life is the story that guides the journey. The cool thing is that the only thing that limits you is your creativity. We have the freedom and spirit to pursue what we are called to do. My visions have changed as I navigated to different career points. I learned you need to write and capture the story in words by describing it in vivid detail where possible. This makes it real and tangible. Translating what is in your mind to paper is a magical process. Then you need to review the vision often to make it believable and put images in your mind of what it looks and feels like.
I created a Word document to capture my vision and the elements in the discipline and autonomy sections below. Think of the document as your map and flight plan to guide your journey. Early in my journey, I reviewed the document daily because I needed to convince myself where I was going and fuel motivation with the underlying reasons for going on this journey. There were also times when I wanted to stop and return home. Reading the document would convince me I needed to keep going. The document is not static written in stone. I will often add content as I learn things during a typical week.
Values
Although I crafted a set of values in 2006, I reviewed and updated them in November 2022 after reading Dare to Lead by Brené Brown. The book describes values as “a way of being or believing that we hold most important.” Throughout my journey, I can feel my values ever present in my mind and shaping the day. How can I honor my values today? In what ways did my values shape my work and how I showed up? How did it feel when the early warning signs arose when behaviors surfaced outside my values?
Values shape who you spend time with, how you allocate your precious time, and what you choose to consume daily. Internalizing your values is powerful, and honoring them can be life-changing. A conflict of values ended my marriage and influences the people and companies I choose to do business with.
Values are the bedrock of your vision, so they are the first concept established in your journey document.
Beliefs
Beliefs are what we accept as true. These may be facts or ideas, and thoughts we see as reality. Our beliefs are held deep inside us, influencing our daily decisions and what we pursue.
At the early stage of my journey, I had to come to terms with the long list of self-limiting beliefs (SLBs). I knew these beliefs would sabotage my journey and constrain my creativity. When I conversed with a mentor (stage 4), he told me that “I” was my most significant limitation. That was tough to hear, but I could feel it and see it.
I created the table below and completed each row to touch my SLBs and transform my mindset by challenging their reality and replacing it with a self-affirming belief. I also identified at least one ritual to reinforce the new belief through my actions.
See my article below for additional resources, including reflective questions.
Purpose
Purpose is what you’re driven to achieve. It’s who you are and what makes you unique. It’s your north star. Purpose is a direction and a stated impact you seek to have on the world. I have thought about purpose over the years, and this was the time to craft one that would guide my direction as I take this journey. Part of my vision is to become a world-class coach. I sensed this in my body in 2008, but I never pursued it with real intention for various reasons. In late 2022, I asked myself, “On my deathbed, would I regret not pursuing coaching as part of who I am?” The answer was an instant yes.
I crafted this version of my purpose:
I am the:
alarm clock that wakes people up
flashlight that shines the light on consciousness and awareness
knowledge beacon that guides others in darkness
coach on the field challenging people to be their best
time machine transporting people into the future faster
people alchemist that creates human gold for organizations
that inspire millions of people to experience their true potential now.
This sets a direction and something that I strive for and may never reach. It also acts as a filter for what you spend time on and what you don’t. I realized over many years that I love the outcome people experience when they reach their coaching goals. It’s the human connection and serving others that motivates me.
See the post below for ideas on finding and crafting your purpose statement.
Goals
Goals are what you want and why. Goals translate vision into tangible outcomes you can measure. Clear goals are essential for focusing and aligning your daily tasks and resources with small wins that accrue over time.
In crafting this section of my document, I thought broadly about what I wanted across all aspects of my life - my career pursuits, finances, health, and relationships. I wrote a high-level goal for each area and the reasons “why” I want this. The why is the motivator, and I look back on these when I start second-guessing myself or feeling anxious.
See the post below to decide what you want and why to fuel life’s pursuit. Each week, I outline tasks that accrue value toward these goals.
2. Discipline
I relate to Ryan Holiday’s book “Discipline is Destiny.” What we do and don’t do through self-control makes our vision a reality. The following four sections of my journey document are identity, principles, behaviors, and emotions.
Identity
Our identity is an invisible force that shapes how we feel about ourselves, how we show up, and what we can achieve. While our past does control us or what other people think of us, without a clear, vivid narrative of who we want to become, we remain in the status quo. Identity influences how others see us and the opportunities that come our way.
A shift in identity has likely been my biggest journey challenge so far. It’s hard letting go of a part of yourself that has created success, but I found some parts of my identity holding me back. In the post referenced below, I discuss the concept of “created identity” from Marshall Goldsmith, which is the identity we decide for ourselves. This empowering idea gives us the agency to be anything we want.
Becoming a world-class coach is part of my created identity, and at first, you have anxiety about adopting that identity because you are not an expert yet. I remember waking up one morning at 430 am to create my coaching website coachjamesgray.com. I had to go all in. Each day I was pushing myself to adopt this persona, and the rituals of a coach. I enrolled in a coaching certification program to be with others like me. It was a life-changing experience.
I took a holistic approach to crafting a created identity using a visual to remind myself that I am more than what I do. I identified ten identities, including these examples - world-class coach, popular podcaster, respected father, good friend, wealthy investor, and partner.
Principles
Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the foundations for behavior that get you what you want out of life. These are your “rules” for making decisions. While I have used principles throughout my life, writing them down and holding myself accountable to make decisions consistently is a new level.
I created a list of principles for each value in my document and periodically added them throughout a typical week. For example, “do it right, or don’t do it all” is a principle for the value of excellence. The principle “review and respond to email 3x day: 9 am, 1 pm, 7 pm” relates to the value of self-leadership.
Behaviors and Rituals
Behavior and rituals are what we execute to evolve into a created identity. This is where the rubber meets the road. It’s where the amateurs are separated from the pros. Evolving into a created identity does not happen overnight or in a week or month. It’s the daily actions you commit to that deliver micro-goals.
The key here is listing the behaviors and rituals for each identity you want to evolve into. See the post below for a guide on crafting behaviors and rituals for an identity that aligns with your vision.
Emotions
Our emotions influence almost everything we do in life. Positive emotions can accelerate the path to our true potential, while negative emotions can disempower us and hold us back. Naming your emotions when you experience them can open your heart and mind to gain a deeper understanding and meaning. Ultimately, emotions control and determine the quality of our lives. Periodically measuring the intensity of my emotions improves my self-awareness and offers space for reflection.
The book Living Untethered by Michael A. Singer helped me develop a “witness consciousness” to situations that hit impressions stuck in my mind (samskaras). I am in the early days of developing this muscle, but the ability to view things from a distance and release samskaras is powerful.
To become more in touch with my emotions, I have been conducting a 15-minute audit to think about my emotions over the last week. The post below explains how to do this.
In my document, I noted what emotions I wanted to feel more of and less of. I also wrote down what behaviors and rituals I would practice to feel more of my desired emotions. Many years of living with anxiety and fear limited my professional growth and happiness. While the source of the anxiety and fear is long gone, I have found that it has taken some time to orient myself from a reactive to a creative mindset.
3. Autonomy
The freedom to venture into new territory is the ultimate essence of the hero’s journey. You don’t have turn-by-turn directions, so having the autonomy to follow your curiosity with courage is essential. You also can’t have people holding you back or telling you what to do. Deciding what you will leave behind to lighten the load is required.
Boundaries
Crafting a documented list of boundaries last December was life-changing. I wish I had learned this earlier in life. I attended to my family’s needs for many years and often put myself last or not at all. A list of boundaries that you have internalized streamlines decisions. It also removes the “personal” nature when enforcing your rules. There is an empowering feeling when you craft and live by your boundaries. Boundaries freed me of responsibilities I was taking on that were not mine. I also realized I had no boundaries at work, reducing my productivity and causing stress.
The post below shares a template on how to craft what is “OK” and “Not OK.”
Letting Go
You must leave a lot behind to become the next best version of yourself. You need to lighten the load to go great distances on the journey. You must also make space for your new vision - it’s like removing clutter from your house.
This section of my document states: “This is what I will leave behind to pursue my vision and become my created identity.” The list includes parts of my identity, self-limiting beliefs, expectations of what my life would be right now, people, habits, and other things I chose to leave behind.
With my highly-tuned antennae to my emotions and watching my mind, it’s become easier to identify things in my mind and heart that I must let go of to experience inner peace. The Untethered Soul and Living Untethered books reinforce this concept of letting go and surrender.
See the post below for ideas on what you may need to leave behind.
Parts
On my hero’s journey, I discovered my inner family - the distinct “parts” of who I am that have various roles and control what I do and don’t do. At first, it sounds strange, and you think about multiple personalities, but it’s not that at all. The introspection to learn about your parts with curiosity explained why these exist and their role at pivotal times in my life. I learned that I had exiled some of my best parts and others who continued to protect me, although that was no longer required. My book post, “Introduction to Internal Family Systems,” includes notes to learn more.
The primary mental model is that the True Self ascends and emerges as the leader of this internal family, capable of more joy and performing at new levels that were impossible before. The “dark side” or “shadow side” of your behavior is another concept to develop an authentic self. This topic is described in length with fascinating stories in the book The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene.
In my document, I captured my initial set of “parts” and refined this list over time as I studied my thoughts and behaviors. Discovering who you truly are is part of the hero’s journey. This is part of the reward at stage 9.
Skills
Making a vision become a reality requires a comprehensive set of skills that deliver value and money. I found it helpful to inventory my skills and the skills I need to build during my journey. As I documented my current skills, I considered how relevant each was to my vision and those I needed to strengthen.
What skills do you have that support your vision?
What skills are needed to realize your vision?
What skills will be neutralized by AI?
How will I gain these skills?
A hero’s reflection
I have reinvented myself multiple times, but this journey is the deepest I have gone internally. At this point in my life, I committed to living inside out - where my vision guides daily work, who I spend time with, and the precious allocation of my time, energy, and money. I feel grounded, centered, and make decisions with more authority. My habits and rituals have become ingrained into my daily schedule, giving me the best chance to deliver micro-goals and take one more step down the path. My physical, mental, and spiritual health is stronger than ever. The most powerful change is the mindset that all I need starts from within - I am not searching for or buying things in the external world to give me peace and happiness.
The document I discuss in this post is not a silver bullet for changing your career or life situation in a day. But it is a tool you can lean on for direction, motivation, and neutralizing all the limiting self-talk that can hold you hostage from taking action. My life is in my hands, and I am responsible. Writing content for my vision, discipline, and autonomy can demystify what is in my head and make it actionable.
I often meet people who don’t have direction or feel they don’t have the agency to change their professional or personal lives. I believe the root cause is they have never taken the time to explore and think about what they want and who they want to become. Be the author who creates a vision - a compelling story for your life - without limitations on “how” you will realize it. The vision can adapt as you travel and learn in the ever-changing world. Commit to discipline to do the work, develop principles to live by that prevent the same mistake twice, and deliver outcomes that align with your vision. Embrace the autonomy to brave the wilderness with courage and discover the next best version of yourself. You will meet this person on your journey.
For people seeking to make transformational changes, I hope this vision, discipline, and autonomy framework is a logical construct for transcribing your thoughts into words you live by. It won’t be perfect. It’s more about getting into a creative mindset.
My hero’s journey is far from over and has been challenging at times. But I have one shot at this to be my best self. I don’t want to have regrets that I did not dare to live authentically and put myself in uncomfortable situations to accelerate growth. I now feel the presence of the moment and value each day. I am already very different from the person I was back in December. I love the mystery of who I will meet in another six months on this hero’s journey. I encourage you to take a journey sometime soon too.
-James